GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES!

Get this book, along with our three other Haggis-on-Whey reference books, with the Haggis-on-Whey Bundle.

For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their way into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who have eaten too many lead-based paint chips.

Well, sadly, that day is upon us. We offer to you the first in a proposed series of 377 reference books, all written by a couple, Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey, married fifty years and now getting their chance to twist and tickle the brains of the impressionable.

Giraffes? Giraffes! is the first in the series, and puts forth the following novel theories: that giraffes were not part of any evolutionary chain, but came here from Neptune, by way of very long (but convenient and fast) escalators; that giraffes are expert dancers, but they become angry if you ask them about their dancing; that giraffes control over 90 pecent of what we see in mirrors; that the Giraffe navy is as strong as ever, contrary to recent claims in the popular press.

This is a book to be feared. If you have young people in your life, keep it far away from them.

Praise for the Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance Series:

“This is a book of lies! Deceits! Utter nonsense! Which is precisely why it’s on my gift list …What can I say? It works. Of all the gift books I showed my renegade 60-year-old sister (she’s much older), this is the one she wants. I suspect it was the guide to shark religions that did it.”
— Ketzel Levine, NPR

“In its tone and design, to say nothing of the sturdiness of its typefaces, Haggis-on-Whey nails the authoritarian aesthetic of 1950s textbooks. Most important, it is very, very silly.”
—The Paris Review

Dispraise for the Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance Series:

“Unbelievably poor!”: “Actually NO star would be the choice. What a disappointment!! There is absolutely nothing humorous or informative on any page! I wonder about the sanity of the author. Absurd nonsense with no redeeming humorous value is a terrible waste of good paper. I agree with the editorial review: Keep this away from children and anyone else you care about!”
—Amazon Reviewer (1/5 Stars)

“I don’t get it!!!”: “This is by far the most bewildering and inane children’s book i have ever encountered!! I just finished reading it with my 9 year old and was so fed up with it that I felt compelled to post this message. I honestly cannot believe what the earlier reviewers have posted here. It is nothing like what they have written - clearly they are shills for the publisher or the authors! This is a ridiculous book and not at all appropriate for children and possibly only good for post-graduate intellectuals who might find this humor and sarcasm funny. It is such a disturbing waste of paper that I won’t even be donating this book to his school library! Don’t buy this book!”
—Amazon Reviewer (1/5 stars)

“Teenage Sarcasm”: “A silly mocking attack on science.”
—Amazon Reviewer (1/5 stars)

“Failed Attempt to Be Clever”: “This book surprised me very much.. when i read a book I expect to learn something or at least be entertained… I kept looking for the purpose and/or message of this book…I found it meaningless/pointless and not even based on truth. I guess the authors were trying to be clever.... it did not strike me as clever. I am sorry to say I found no value… not for kids, not for adults… not for anyone.”
—Amazon Reviewer (1/5 stars)